Love from a guy’s point of view?

Recently, we went to see Wedding Crashers. (Spoiler Warning about the ending, if you haven’t seen it yet.) My husband and I both enjoyed the movie. It had some really hilarious parts. Two friends crash weddings to meet women (mostly bridesmaids) and have one night stands with them. It’s a huge scam hobby and they’re sooo skilled at it, almost becoming like a member of the family by each wedding’s end. One of the guys wonders if they aren’t being a little sleazy. Um, yeah! Well, their streak of one-night-stand luck quickly changes. Attractions and conflicts arise, setting both men on the road to true love. But the two love stories couldn’t be more different. One is sweet and innocent, while the other is like a trip to an S&M club. I loved seeing the guys get their comeuppance, but watching them change and grow as people was even better. The end reward for them...being with the women they fall in love with. And I always like Owen Wilson in comedies.

After the movie was over, I started thinking...that was a romantic comedy for men. My husband normally hates romantic comedies, but he loved Wedding Crashers. Hmm.

Speaking of love from a guy’s point of view... as a romance writer, I enjoy writing scenes from the hero’s point of view. In fact, I feel I’m better at male POV than female. How do I, a woman, think like a man? I have no idea. Maybe I was a man in a past life. :-) I think it’s because I know exactly how I want a heroic, attractive, manly guy to think.

Men and women really do think differently. Men are less inhibited, more to the point. By instinct, they are protectors. And sometimes they have a heck of a time expressing themselves emotionally. It isn’t their fault. They’re wired that way. I drive my husband crazy asking him things like... how do you feel when such and such happens? And he’ll say something like...I don’t know, just good (or bad or whatever short word he can think of.) So much for research. :-) If you’re a writer, do you enjoy/have more skill with male or female point of view?


Ms. Mika said...

As a fellow writer, I have a better POV from a female’s perspective. I wish I could understand the male psyche, but I just can't...I just can't--but wouldn't it be great to understand them! To actually understand men! What a concept!

Vonda Sinclair said...

It's easier than you think. Men are a lot simpler than women. (Forgive me, guys, I say this with affection.) Have you ever heard a man say that women are complicated? It's true; we are. But most men aren't complicated. 95% of what they think about is sex. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration. But it's a high % anyway. Again not their fault. They're wired that way. And though men don't do well expressing themselves emotionally, they still feel emotion strongly. That often leaves them emotionally bottled up inside and sometimes confused about why they're feeling a certain way. Another thing, (straight) men don't want to be seen as less of a man in other men's eyes. They have to constantly compete and measure up. I find men very interesting creatures. :-) And "getting inside their minds" when I'm writing is fascinating and rewarding. :-) Am I saying I totally understand everything about men? No, but trying to is fun.

Randy said...

I don't know how skilled I am at it, but I do enjoy writing from the male POV. The question I always have: should we write it the way women WISH men thought/felt? Or, the way they probably in fact, DO? LOL

Vonda Sinclair said...

My own unprofessional opinion? LOL! A little of both (in romance.) The men in our stories need to seem and feel real in all ways. (Three dimensional and well-rounded.) But at the same time, romance heroes are often "the ideal". And they're usually more heroic, more sexy, more fearless, more attentive than real men. Not that real men aren't these things but a lot of romance heroes are larger than life. But they still must seem they could be real people. I don't know if that makes sense. :-)

Anonymous said...

Hubby and I will definitely have to see this movie. It's rare to find one that we both like.

Wonderful discussion on the differences between men and women. I love writing the male pov, but it's a balancing act to try to make the character seem real, yet like a true romance hero. Not that real men can't be romance heroes, but hopefully you know what I mean :)

One thing I admire about Karen Robards' work is that her heroes actually seem like real men, instead of like a woman writing a man. However, I've seen reviews where people have disliked that about her work, because they felt the man was too crude/blunt/etc.

I've got to comment on you asking your hubby, 'how do you feel when such and such happens' :) My friend's hubby is a psychiatrist and every time we saw them, I would pray that he wouldn't start asking me things like 'so, how would you describe your relationship with your siblings' (and yep, he asked me that once). I just always felt like he was analyzing me. I will admit though that once when I was having problems with my teenager, I was more than willing to call him and tap into his knowledge :) He gave me some wonderful advice, too. Unfortunately, they moved about a year ago, and I missed them terribly :(

Anyway, maybe your hubby thinks you're trying to analyze him? Naturally, the problem with that is the possibility that you might find him lacking. Not that you would, but still, he might think that. Of course, I really have no idea what I'm talking about, LOL.


Vonda Sinclair said...

Hi, Pam! Thanks for visiting! I hadn't thought of the hubby analysis thing. But maybe that's it. I put him on the spot. I shouldn't have assumed he would know I was doing romance hero research. LOL! But sometimes, when he doesn't know it, I do sneak an opinion out of him that does help with that male pov. It's very difficult, I admit. LOL!