The Woes of Quitting

Smoking, that is.

Back in December of 2010, I wrote my New Year’s resolution blog. My two personal goals were to lose the 25 pounds I’ve gained from all the back crap last year, which I’m proud to say I’ve lost 20 of those 25. I’m back in the gym and moving around so much better. Yay me!

My other personal goal was to quit smoking. I kind of wrote this one down and then went on with my mad-smoking self. I love to smoke. I know. A cringe-worthy statement for anyone who doesn’t smoke, but it’s the truth and I see no reason to lie about it. BUT, you have to give up things you love to do sometimes, which is where I’m at now. So I’ve quit. Day freaking 2, which feels like two freaking years.

I’ve quit in the past. Cold-turkey, after being a smoker for seven years. Didn’t smoke for 5 years. Honestly, I didn’t see the big deal on why people found quitting so freaking hard. It’s wasn’t. Boy, not this time.

Quitting for the second time has been waaaay more difficult. I think it all boils down to that I wasn’t a writer when I quit the first time. I’ve conditioned myself write and smoke. Even now as I’m writing this blog, I feel like I am crawling out of my skin. I should have a cigarette burning beside me in an ashtray that I pick up and take a drawl off of as I think of my next words. I don’t have one, and I literally feel like I need to run a circle around the house. I feel like I can’t sit still. Edgy. Buzzing with a craving for a cigarette.

Good LORD, does it SUCK!

Why am I blogging about this today? Because I need to get it out. Talk about it. Because I DO want to quit. I need to quit. I just didn’t realize how hard it was going to be this time around, and how badly I had myself conditioned to write and smoke. How that craving would hit me full force the moment I sat down in front of my computer.

I’m sucking on peppermint sticks like mad. Getting a lot of straightening up done. Can see myself spending extra time at the gym. But how do I work without sitting down and immediately needing to get back up again because I feel so crawly?

Any ex-smokers out there who are writers who have any tips?

Should I go someplace new? Will this spike in craving lessen within the next couple of weeks as my nicotine levels drop? Am I always going to see my laptop as a trigger?:(

Blach! Why did I ever start back?

Esme

4 Responses
  1. I feel your pain...and yes...I mean that literally...PAIN. I've been asked to quit smoking by my thyroid doctor. I also have Grave's Disease, which smoking can cause bulging eyes. I KNOW! But even with that in my head, I continue to light up. It's so much easier when I'm at work (my 40-hour-a-week-job) because it's forbidden in the buildings and even 30 feet from the buildings. But when I'm at home, writing, it's second nature like breathing. (No pun intended.) My husband smokes as well...even more than I do. He can quit cold turkey. Me...NO! I've been on Chantix which didn't work. I can't do patches or even gum (I have TMJ). Don't want to eat candy, did I mention I have a thyroid problem? Weight gain is possible without even eating air.

    I do suggest trying a different location when writing (if possible) until the bad cravings go away. Get you some carrot sticks and chew on those, maybe. "Smoke a pencil or pen"...I know it sounds weird but that would be something to put between your fingers. And if nothing works, look into those electronic cigarettes. I've heard they are great but can be costly.

    Geez...maybe I should follow my own advice...lol. And if it helps any, your post has inspired me to try the quitting thing again. Thanks.


  2. Esme Says:

    Oh, hon! Good luck to you. I hope both of us succeed!

    I hear you on the e-cigarettes, that is how I really wanted to do this because I'm very addicted to the action of smoking. The holding the cigarette between my fingers as I type. The bringing it to my lips and inhaling. I'm actually cracking my knuckles right now as I think about it. I thought the e-cig would be the way to go because they have the water vapor ones so I could still do the motion of smoking and inhaling just without the nicotine. but DAG GUMMIT is that dang first kit expensive. Every time I'd finally come up with the money, something else was needed. This time car taxes, registration and inspection. Sigh. If this becomes to difficult, I may need to rummage around the house and sale some things, lol.


  3. Kristin Says:

    My advice? Stick it out. I quit 10 years ago next month. My smoking spot was on a barstool next to the workbench out in the garage. That's where I'd sit and smoke and read the paper. After I quit, I didn't read the paper for months!! It's hard, but it does get easier. Now I can read the paper at the kitchen table with another addiction -- a cup of coffee!
    Good luck, I know YOU CAN DO THIS!


  4. Cameo Brown Says:

    I admire you! It is so hard sometimes to get healthy. Losing 20 pounds is amazing! Congratulations, especially after coming back from an injury. Definitely been there, and it's a battle. You should be so proud. Some people would have never even tried. Well done, Esme!


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