Smoking, that is.
Back in December of 2010, I wrote my New Year’s resolution blog. My two personal goals were to lose the 25 pounds I’ve gained from all the back crap last year, which I’m proud to say I’ve lost 20 of those 25. I’m back in the gym and moving around so much better. Yay me!
My other personal goal was to quit smoking. I kind of wrote this one down and then went on with my mad-smoking self. I love to smoke. I know. A cringe-worthy statement for anyone who doesn’t smoke, but it’s the truth and I see no reason to lie about it. BUT, you have to give up things you love to do sometimes, which is where I’m at now. So I’ve quit. Day freaking 2, which feels like two freaking years.
I’ve quit in the past. Cold-turkey, after being a smoker for seven years. Didn’t smoke for 5 years. Honestly, I didn’t see the big deal on why people found quitting so freaking hard. It’s wasn’t. Boy, not this time.
Quitting for the second time has been waaaay more difficult. I think it all boils down to that I wasn’t a writer when I quit the first time. I’ve conditioned myself write and smoke. Even now as I’m writing this blog, I feel like I am crawling out of my skin. I should have a cigarette burning beside me in an ashtray that I pick up and take a drawl off of as I think of my next words. I don’t have one, and I literally feel like I need to run a circle around the house. I feel like I can’t sit still. Edgy. Buzzing with a craving for a cigarette.
Good LORD, does it SUCK!
Why am I blogging about this today? Because I need to get it out. Talk about it. Because I DO want to quit. I need to quit. I just didn’t realize how hard it was going to be this time around, and how badly I had myself conditioned to write and smoke. How that craving would hit me full force the moment I sat down in front of my computer.
I’m sucking on peppermint sticks like mad. Getting a lot of straightening up done. Can see myself spending extra time at the gym. But how do I work without sitting down and immediately needing to get back up again because I feel so crawly?
Any ex-smokers out there who are writers who have any tips?
Should I go someplace new? Will this spike in craving lessen within the next couple of weeks as my nicotine levels drop? Am I always going to see my laptop as a trigger?:(
Blach! Why did I ever start back?