So I've discovered, for about the four hundredth time in my life, that communication is key to a less stressful relationship.
The first time--or one of the first times--was when my now DH and I were dating. He kept wanting to get me a piece of jewelry with a ruby in it. Since his ex was born in July, I thought it meant he still had an attachment to her. It took a while, but I finally realized he wanted to get me a ruby because he he associated rubies with romance, not his ex. Next time, I thought, I would just ask instead of assuming the worst.
I try to keep the lines of communication open, but I've been reading this memoir about divorce and started to worry that I wasn't paying enough attention to my DH's needs. Being a little paranoid, I started seeing metaphorical rubies all over the place, particularly in the toilet. By that I mean that my husband is usually very great about putting down the toilet seat, and I know not all women are as lucky as I am and spend a lot of time screeching from the cold waters of the toilet bowl. Well, the other day DH left the seat up, and I thought nothing of it. Then he did it again, and I thought...whoa, is the honeymoon over? Did he forget I live here, too? Does he not want to be married anymore? Does he want to live a wild single life where he can just leave the toilet seat up any time he wants to?
My imagination was in full crazy mode until, in a slightly casual but definitely probing conversation, I found out that DH left the seat up because he'd cleaned the toilet. I hadn't even noticed. The first time, he just forgot. The second time he'd cleaned the toilet and hadn't had time to put the seat down before I got home from work. Whew! I'm glad I found that out before I started divorce proceedings.
I realize this seems a bit nonchalant, but it really isn't. Communication IS key, and I have to remind myself of that all the time. If you're assuming the worst about something, ask. Don't assume. That's just my little relationship lesson for the day. Have a great one, and happy reading!