Epic Memory Failure Fun
Ever have one of those days where your life seems to read like a novel? I had one of those several months back. It's almost as if someone somewhere was writing my story as I went, and I was the heroine in this little tale of the life of an aging hippie addicted to writing and with whom technology was playing stupid cupid.

It all started when I got a friend request from an ex-boyfriend. It wasn't a bad break up or anything dramatic; we just went our separate ways after dating about six months in our youth. Very bland. We remained in the same distant social circle for years but lost touch about seven years ago. I never really thought about him until I saw the request. It took me a minute to place him, and then I went through the whole friend-vetting process I go through when I get a request (Do I know this person? Do I like this person? Does this person look like he spends lots of time talking to a stuffed Winnie-the-Pooh about waffles?) Finally, I decided--what the hay--and friended him. No big deal.

Yes, big deal.

At least to some of my friends--who I've now downgraded to acquaintances--who seem to think I'm on the road to destruction because I'm friends with an ex on FB. Am I unhappy in my marriage? Am I having a mid-life crisis? Don't I know how that looks?

Well, no, I don't know how it looks. I don't really care, and they shouldn't either. The only person who should care is my hubby, and he isn't bothered by it. As a matter of fact, he was really glad to find out what happened to someone from our past. Hubby has access to my account, so if he wants to go in and check it out, he can. But he doesn't because he's friends with at least three ex-girlfriends himself and doesn't see the harm in re-establishing old relationships if one doesn't plan to go any further with them that friendship.

So I tell my semi-pals this, and they get their feathers all ruffled. Certainly there must be something unseemly afoot because all of the sudden I'm friends with a guy I once dated. I just rolled my eyes and left the restaurant where we were having lunch, when I hear a ping. It's my cell letting me know I've got an FB notification. Guess who it's from?

So Barney, as I will call him to protect his identify, has messaged me to say hi. I put my phone away, grocery shop, do a bunch of other errands, and finally go home. About 10 I get on FB and answer his message, noting he's not online. And then suddenly, a minute after I hit REPLY, he pops up. "How am I doing?" he asks. "What's up?" "How's my world?" "Am I still married?" "He loved my pictures..." "I'm still as beautiful as the day we parted..." "Did I want to sex chat?"

Wait, what?

Yep, Mr. Ex-boyfriend wanted to sex chat with me on FB. I politely told him no, and he said something about he figured I'd be a sex chatter because of the wild times we had when we dated.

Wait, what?

If I remember correctly, a motorcycle ride where he didn't where a helmet (idiot) was the riskiest thing we did. I don't recall ever making out with him that much, let alone doing anything so wild in the bedroom that he would think it would automatically translate into getting my jollies typing with one hand and reading phrases that were sexual or could be, if taken out of context, the names of pro wrestlers, like "slick rod" and "wild stud."

So, through our rather short conversation that ended when he abruptly unfriended me, I figured out that he had confused me with a different hippie chick he'd dated way back when named Cassie. I told him so and he apologized, then he said he didn't want to be friends with me anymore. I typed "Seriously? LOL" and he disappeared.

It makes me laugh every time I think about it. I guess some people know what they want and a reasonable facsimile will just not do. I thought about telling my pals they were kind of right about the presence of untoward intentions, at least on his side, but then I thought, na, let them live vicariously through my perceived harlotry.

So how's your life going? Do you have any interesting ex-boyfriend stories? Please do share!
1 Response
  1. Carly Carson Says:

    Ha! I was with you all along because I have a high school bf who friended me and I thought it was very civilized. I am not carrying a torch for him and my husband knows. But I must say, he never asked me to sex chat. lol. Of course we never had sex either.


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